MeaganMental

 im done with this site i hope you all have good lives. cuz i know i wont. this site has gotten way out of control & all my friends on here have either left or are going to leave. so im leaving & never coming back. i will still be on myspace and msn but this site is history for me. i dont care what anyone says. im not staying. so goodbye to all that actually cared & to those that didnt well you know what? fuck you & that goes for the poeple who pretended to care. so goodbye buzznet forever.

&megs.

A murderer

A knife in hand

Blood all over

A murderer

Holds the gun

Bullets everywhere

A murderer

Grasps a life

Bodies’ scattered

A murderer

Running from their problems

Doesn’t look back

A murderer

Victim of the time to come

The clock has run out

A murderer

Killed and murdered

By their own faults

Blood; Bullets; Bodies.

&meggs.

Tears flow down that beautiful face

She lives in a hell everyday

Thoughts of suicide come easily

The trigger has touched her fingertips to much

The razor has made too many scars

Doesn’t know how much she can take

She decided to give it all up

But not the way you think

She decided to take control

Now a smile comes across that beautiful face

Her Hell turned in a Heaven

Thoughts of happiness area everyday thing

The trigger no longer has evidence of her

The scars keep her going everyday

She has seen Hell

And walked though it

She has seen death

And beyond the grave

But now she sees life

And loves it

Instead of tears, a smile

Instead of hell, a heaven.

&meggs.

The fake giggle that escapes those lips

The black mascara rivers that come from those eyes

The awful thoughts that plague her mind

The mayhem she has gone through

To build the greatest thing she has ever seen 

Her life, a life of lies

She built a wall of lies, disease, disaster & sin

Nice and high

Strong and tough

But one day something changed

Her wall slowly began to collapse

Her lies became painful truths

The disease began to spread

The disaster became a horrific scene

And the sins took over

The fake giggle

The black mascara rivers

The awful thoughts

And for what?  

Lies, disease, disaster & sin.

&meggs.

Head aches plague my mind

Thoughts of you

That I don’t want to find.

I want to close my eyes

And say

My final goodbyes.

So cut my wrist

And hope to die

But do it with a twist.

And as I lay on the floor

Bleeding but silent

You come through the door.

And say, alive you were god awful

Ay least dead

Maybe you will be beautiful.

&meggs.

[note-so ya iam back for a wittle bit. but im not going to be here for that long cuz i have to get shit straightened out & finals are next week. but o well.]

A sweet little girl

Was keeping in secrets

Deadly secrets

And she would write them down

But not on paper

She would write then down on her wrist

She would tell one lie after another

But one day her pretty lies slipped out

She got scared and wrote one last thing

[Never enough]

But that was one secret

That would never get out.

For the sweet & pretty lies made her

And the secrets killed her.

&meggs.

[note-after today i will most likely not be on that often because i have decided i need help & all this crap has gotten out of control. so goodbye everyone.&i will be back soon. i promise. i love you cassie.i love you all with all that i got.]

Her tears will fall like

Snowflakes in the summer

And rain in the winter.

Every time they do its like

A tornado of feelings

A hurricane of emotions.

She can no longer be

This happy disaster

She needs something tragic.

So she needs to bleed

Like the ocean that goes so deep

And the river that over flows.

&this happy disaster will end

With a horrible bang

For her life was a disaster

&her death will be tragic.

Like snowflakes fall in the winter

And rain in the winter.

&my final goodbye

meggs.

[note-sorry for the wait.&i hate winter &snow &regina &school.]enjoyy.

            Suddenly the voice said hi Ben I have been waiting for you to notice that piece of paper that will change your life. You may not know me but I know you and have been watching you and your sister for a very long time now. I have seen your habits the good & bad. I have seen you go through and what you have had to put up with. How you had to slowly watch your sister die. And I felt your pain as I watched to and I am truly sorry about that. But as I watched the two of you I saw something inside you, like the fact that you never gave up and the fact that you never left your sisters side. You stood by her to the very end. And that is why I am calling on you to help me. So please maybe we will meet sooner or later I don’t know yet. But we will meet I just need to figure out the right time. Hang in there Ben I believe in you.

            And then he heard a click and the voice was done. Confused and kind of scared Ben walked away from the phone. That night he went to sleep never forgetting that message and that voice stuck in his head. He thought what the fuck? How did that man know me & my sister? And why was he watching us? He feel asleep that night confused and not knowing what to think. And even though he had no clue but it was only going to get blurrier up ahead.

sorry its so short.

&meggs.

[note-sorry for the wait & this one does suck terrible it has no point to it but whateverrrr]]enjoy.

            So as Ben walked on he thought to himself if I phone this number what will happen? Good or bad it will be better than what I already had to endure. So he was going to phone that number and he was going to do it with confidence. Or all the confidence that he had left. Confidence was not the most common word in Ben’s vocabulary; in fact it barely entered his head.

             When Ben was about four or five he lived in a small apartment with his parents and his sister. Yes that was when he had his parents but they were barely there. And when they were there it was worse than when they were gone. They would yell at him because they were always drunk and his mom would have a different guy in her room every night. Even though they yelled at him he still went back to them every time they came home. Maybe it was because he was lonely, maybe it was because he was looking for something to belong to, or maybe he was just looking for love.

            He never found that love in his parents or anyone in this world. Soon he realized that maybe love is not for him. Maybe he was meant to go through this world alone and in the dark. Although he didn’t like this concept all that much he accepted it because it was all he knew. And would know, so his confidence never got the light that it needed to grow and flourish.

            And all that Ben has had to put up with from then to now hasn’t been all that good for him either. But what he had left he was going to make that phone call. He finally found a pay phone and found some loose change. As he pressed those keys on that dirty phone he got a weird feeling. Like what he was doing was the wrong thing and it was only going to get him trouble. But he did it anyways and as the dial tone came through he got more nervous and almost hung up. Suddenly he heard a voice.

            The voice said…..

ya sorry about that i have no idea whta the fuck the voice is going to say yet.hhahhah. but ill figure it outt.

&meggs.

To many things

Swirling around

In my head

And making me insane

To much to handle

Can’t think of one thing

Without another problem

Intercepting these thoughts

All these morbid thoughts

That I love to hate

And you would love to know them

You would love to hate them too

But you can’t

You wouldn’t be able to understand

You wouldn’t be able to handle them

Or help me

Unless you did one thing for me

And that would be to murder them

Murder all these terrible thought

Please that would be my one wish

& murder me.

meagan.

[note-i was really having troubles concentrating tonight so this one may suck to the maximum and it is kinda short i am sorry abouyt that ]]enjoyy!

Ben knew he had to turn back around and face what he had just placed his eyes on. So he slowly but surely turned around. Saw his sister with maggots and other unknown bugs eating away at her skin. And the whole room smelt like death. But his sister was definitely still dead. Confused at the fact that had heard that voice he walks over to the bed where his sister lay. The bed creaks as he sits down. Sitting beside the body, he sees something from the corner of his eye.

He leans over to get a closer look. In the hand of his deceased sister is a little piece of paper. He reaches for it. As he gets a chill down his spine as his hand touches the piece of paper.  He hesitates to open it. But the curiosity got the best of him. Like he couldn’t handle himself and he opened it. The note said [BEN->555-6263]. He looked at it very confused. Also very intrigued at the same time.

Before he left the house of terrors, he called 911. For he wanted his sister to rest in peace. She didn’t deserve to lay there to rot away. She may have done that while she was alive, but Ben was not going to let that happen in her after life. And as Ben made that phone call he thought this way I can help her. In one way. As he fled the house before the police and ambulance get there he kissed his finger and touched his sister’s lips. Silently he said “I love you with all my heart and we will meet again.” He didn’t notice but there was a tear running down his face. He wiped it away quickly.

He left that house that day for the first time not wanting to. He left that house wanting to be with his sister. Ands as he walked away he heard the sirens and saw the light of the police cars, he sat behind a trash can and watched them. Wanting to be sure that they took his sister away to where she belongs. So badly he wanted to just run over there and throw himself on her. But he couldn’t.  He had to find out what was going on in his head first.

After all the sirens and lights were totally gone and he knew that his sister was safe. He walked away slowly. Hands in his pockets, he remembers the note. Takes it out and looks down at the number. He doesn’t know it yet but that number is going to change his life for better or worse.

&meggs.

[note-this one may be suckish because i am sick and my head is pounding and its all over the place i know. but whatever.the next ones will be better i hope.] enjoyyy!

            So as Ben left that awful place. He thought to himself what am I going to do now? I have no clothes, no food, nothing. I am going to die in the next couple of days. But then something then something brilliant popped in to his head. In the morning when he gets up he will call one of his ‘friends’, and maybe they will help him. Most likely it would be a long shot but it’s worth the try.

            So that night he walked around for a bit, and then thought he might want to find somewhere to sleep. Where the fuck was he going to sleep? He started to panic again. Then he thought to himself keep calm, panicking is only going to make the situation worse. Then he thought hah worse, life it can get worse. But like always things cannot go perfect either. So he set off to find somewhere to crash for the night.

            One night out here, it shouldn’t be that bad. He thought. He finally found somewhere secluded, where no one could see him. So he went to sleep that night on the cold hard ground. But he didn’t care all that much because anything was better than sleeping at that wretched house. Where nightmares are not only dreams but they are real. So he wanted to get that out of his mind. He finally slowly drifted off into a light sleep.

The next morning when he woke up, it felt like he was only asleep for like two minutes. He had a terrible feeling in his stomach and his head was pounding. He finally got the strength to get up, but when he did he almost feel right back down. He didn’t know what was going on. Suddenly he heard someone calling his name, over and over again. It was a voice that sounded so familiar but he had no clue who it was. It started to get fainter and less clear. So he ran towards the sound. as fast as he could.

            He didn’t know where he was going. He just ran for the longest time. Then suddenly he realized who voice that was is. It was his sisters. He also notices where he has is. He stops dead in his tracks. He is back to the place where he never wanted to be ever again. Ben was back at his house. He was back at the place where his life was going nowhere, he was back at the place where he watched his sister die slowly, he was back at the place he hated more than anything.  

            But strangely enough he had the erg to go back into the house. Maybe it was because his sister was still calling his name or maybe he was just curious to see what was going on in there. But let us not forget curiosity killed the cat. So he stepped in to the house. Heard his name being called from his sister’s room. As soon as he became closer to the room a horrid smell came from out of nowhere. It made his eyes water. But he keeps on walking. The hallway felt as if it was longer than before.

            After what felt to be like hours he reached the room. Afraid to open the door, the voice still calling his name, as his hand got closer to the knob, the voice got warped. He had no fucking idea why he was doing this. But he opened the door with a quick jerk .He looked in, his jaw dropped. Not knowing what to do he turned around. From that moment on Ben knew he was back in his own very own nightmare.  

keep it goingg?

&meggs.

[note-this is a short storuu i wrote.it the first one ever. soo it may be terrible tell me what youu think of it.and i could keep it going.if its good?...yess..noo?]. hope you like it. 

            Ben is a boy who has a pretty fucked up life. By the age of sixteen he has already seen too much. He lived with his drugged up sister, whose life was going nowhere but down the drain. He had parents at one point in his life. But they both left him and his sister alone in this harsh world about ten years ago. He wanted them back so badly. But they didn’t want him at all.  Nobody wanted him.

            Ben was the kind of kid, who went to school. Barely passing, but he went and that’s what counts right? After school he wouldn’t go to any sports or extra curricular activities. He didn’t go and hang out with friends; quite frankly he didn’t have all that many friends. So everyday after school he would go home, find his sister passed out on the floor, cracked out. He would always look at her and feel bad, because he wishes that he could have done something to stop it. To stop all this fucked up shit. But he couldn’t because he was only a boy who had nothing.

            So like always he helped her up and brought her to her room. Laid her down on the bed and left. Went towards the kitchen and tried to find something to eat for dinner. When he finally salvaged something up, he started to eat. But it all had no taste to it. It never did. When he was done, he went to go check on his sister. Usually she was back up by now.

            He went to her room, knocked on the door. Nothing. Not a sound came from beyond were he stood. He opened the door very slowly and said her name. No answer.

He looked towards her to see her still lying on the bed. He goes towards her thinking she is took a little bit more coke today then she had planned.  He goes up to her, shakes her body to try to awake her. But it doesn’t help.

            He notices something different about this time. Her body is very cold, and her lips have turned a pale blue. He starts to get worried and panics a bit. Not knowing what to do, he shakes a bit more violently this time. Again nothing, she lies there still. He thinks to himself her pulse. He checks it, it’s barely there. He doesn’t know what to do. So he does the first thing that comes to mind. Ben got down on his knees and prayed. Prayed for his sister, his mother, and father. And even though he had no faith in God, he thought that maybe that would give his sister a chance.

            Still down on his knees, he checks her pulse. Still barely there and fading fast. It soon turns into nothing at all. He gives up. He can’t save her now. He lost her and everything else in his life. So he closes her vacant eyes. And leaves that house of terror. He will never see that house or his sister ever again.

&megg.

We are going to drown her pain

All away

And as she sits there

The pathetic little girl

We will let the gasoline flow around her

Light a match

And start a wild fire

Let the flames go high

And it will spread and eat her up

Like the lies she let loose

As the people of the town

Watch this worthless girl burn

They have no sympathy

And in this agonizing slow death

Not a word comes from the hopeless girls lips

And for once her mouth stays shut

As the towns people start to turn their backs and leave

For the first time the truth comes from that selfish girl

She whispers in a raspy voice

“I’m sorry.”

&meggs.

She stands in line
So pretty and flawless
Ready to walk down that runway
Wearing a short skirt
A barely there shirt
And last but not least
Stilettos higher than her self-esteem has ever been
As she steps onto that runway
Her body flows
Looking like she is on top of the world
But she feels like she is worthless
With nothing but the runway to live for

because once she steps off
she'll become broken once again
she needs someone to make her feel alive
she can't take feeling nothing
so take your pictures
still life at a time when she smiles
at a time when she can forget herself
watch her turn and walk
walk a runway of lies.

this is the way better version of ittt.

the purple stuff is mine

and the other amazinggness of it is megs.[summer1258]

a amazingg girl.who rocks my sockss.

&meggs.

She stands in line

So pretty and flawless

Ready to walk down that runway

Wearing a short skirt

A barely there shirt

And last but not least

Stilettos higher than her self-esteem has ever been

As she steps onto that runway

Her body flows

Looking like she is on top of the world

But she feels like she is worthless

With nothing but the runway to live for

 And she hates all the looks she gets

Positive and negative

So she gives up

As her career falls to the ground

So does she

And ends up no where.

&megss.

it sucks i knoww.but wateverrr.

As he walks through that cold cemetery

Something hits him

The truth

The truth is nothing but lies

And for the first time he sees something real

He sees death

His death

And he is not afraid

So sow those lips shut

For no screams shall come

For the fact is

He has looked death in the eyes

For his whole life.

&meggs.

She looks down at that plaque that is stuck in the ground

No its not her moms, dads, brothers, or sisters

Instead its for the one that she loves the most

Lost and missed the most.

Sometimes she wishes it was hers

So that maybe for one year

She could get by in life

Through summer, spring, winter, and fall

Summer is suppose to be happy

That’s all she ever wishes for

Spring everything growing and becoming

While she feels degraded and worthless

Winter where the snowflakes fall

As do her tears of sadness

And fall when every thing is ready for a new beginning

She is ready to give up and let it die

So once a year

Every year

She goes to that cemetery

Looks down at that plaque

And wishes for that one good year

To come along

Like it always did

When you were still here.

&meggs.

As I lay awake

My eyes burning

And so tired

But still they stay wide open

I can’t sleep

It’s as if I am waiting for something

If only I had something to look forward to

I used to look forward to seeing you smile

Your laugh

That gleam in your eyes

And the way your face could light up a dark room

But most of all your smile

I miss that smile so much

Every time I saw you it was there

But now every time I think of it

Shivers run down my back

Because the fact that I will never see it again

Disappoints me

Frustrates me

And bring sadness upon me

That smile was life

My life

So these eyes stay wide awake

For I will not see that smile

Or my life die

Ever again.

&meggs.